No alcohol you say? I don't believe you!

Some of you eagle eyed chaps will have seen that I posted a link to my cancer research dryathlon page, you may have also noticed that I said I'd write a blog post detailing why I'm doing it, if you're reading this then that means I've stayed true to my word. Welcome to my justification for saving money, giving my liver a break and raising some cash for charity.

I guess this post might sound a little selfish but I'm not going to apologise for that in fact I'll ask you to hear me out and then judge me if you want to. I do not have a great deal of exposure to those suffering from cancer but then again I don't think that should be the only reason we partake in fundraising. Cancer is a b*tch. I guess that's one of my reasons for taking part in dry January, but it's not my first.

My first reason is to predominantly to prove to  a whole range of people I can survive without alcohol. This range includes my mother, my "friends", other family members and myself. I can't even count the number of times my mother has looked at me disapprovingly because I've tarted myself up and said "I'm going out", or the number of times she has worryingly expressed her thoughts that I drink too much. I'm twenty-three, it's not uncommon for someone of my age to be out at the pub or the SU every friday right? But, I guess she has a point, my liver is probably screaming out for a break "thank god she's come to her senses" I can hear it gurgling as I write this. So, mum, I'm taking a break to prove to you that I can live a life that doesn't involve getting pissed every weekend. (please excuse my language).

I mentioned I wanted to prove to my friends I can do it, this one is definitely linked to my insecurities. I worry I'm not that much fun, I worry people only enjoy spending time with me when I'm slightly pissed. Although I know this probably isn't true, I'd like to prove it to myself and there's only one way to do that. Most of my friends will agree that if anyone is up for a drink or a night out it's me they might question how easy this'll be for me. The answer is it won't, it's going to take a lot of willpower from my end but boy I love a challenge, so friends please don't stop inviting me cause I wanna party with you, but sober.

Kronenbourg you were my drink of choice for years but it's time for a break xx

My second reason is probably more selfish, I want to save money, I don't want to waste my time, I don't want to feel hungover!! Let's talk hangovers, sometimes I feel utterly crap the next day and it's a complete write off, other times I'm able to get up and be a little more productive but most of the time I experience what I refer to as hangover blues. I'm sure a lot of you may have heard or experienced hangover blues but I am fed up of feeling shitty and worrying about things I know I probably wouldn't if I'd had a good sleep and rested rather than enjoying a tequila slammer. Also know that feeling where you wake up andyou think "I know I had a really good night but I legit don't remember what happened after we go to ..." that's me probably after 80% of my nights out. Which is really f'in sad, I want to remember all the laughs, all the slut drops, all the smiles so I'll be embarking on some sober nights out - watch out I'll probably document that too!

Let's talk money -  I reckon I could save at least £100 a month if I didn't drink, I could spend that money on something much more enjoyable and worthwhile. I want to take this opportunity to enjoy myself without a bev, to really enjoy my friends company and to give my self a break!

As I've mentioned fundraising is a reason, even if lesser so than the other reasons, to partake in dry jan. In a world where I feel like I have very little input it's important to me that I do a little something to give back to the world, to help a little bit. So this January instead of thinking what's cheaper double vodka cranberry or splitting wine, I'm going to be thinking "this money will go towards a worthy cause".

So please if you fancy supporting me through what is gonna be an interesting yet challenging month head on over to https://fundraise.cancerresearchuk.org/page/ursula-takes-on-dryathlon anything will be appreciated!

Enjoy your holidays and think of me whilst your nursing that baileys!!! Goodbye pints, goodbye shots, goodbye cocktails *tears streaming*

Ursula
xxxxxxxxxx

PhD to wannabe socialite...

Good evening guys!

So I'm aware it's been a few weeks since I posted, it's definitely been a busy few weeks so I'm sorry about that. I've been finding my feet and whilst it's all be such fun it's also been quite intense, I'm gonna give a little run down of what I've been up to and also how I've been managing my time! As time management can really make or break your progress.

What have I been up to I hear you asking, well here's the exciting stuff. Reading. I've been doing a lot of reading. And by that I do not mean casually skimming a book here and there. I mean true academic reading. I'm sure lots of you are aware of what I mean by that but for those of you that don't, what I mean by academic reading is the process of first of all finding relevant information, digesting that information, and making notes and processing such info. It's quite amazing how long properly reading something can take, it's easy to spend hours on a couple of papers because either they're majorly interesting or incredibly complex to understand. The process of passing your eyes across the words might not actual take all that long but note taking, recording what you read, how you found it, any comments you may have really does take a while. Most researchers will tell you they have a database of what they read, when they read, why they read the paper and any thoughts they had as a result of reading the paper. Notes notes notes. So important! What's also important is collating all your thoughts which I'm currently in the process of doing, I've read a fair amount and now I'm ready to let that spill out of my brain.

Other academic stuff, meetings, meetings, seminars, lectures, training, etc etc.

Aside from all that desk time what else have I been doing I hear you wonder. Not going to lie, I've probably spent far too long in the gym. It's just so easy to waste hours upon hours in a gym when you not only have a workout to do but also people to socialise with. I'm so glad I joined as not only do I benefit from a structured training programme but I also get to train with some awesome people. My lesson from this is always going to be about how matching hard work with socialising will always make for a well balanced life. I won't bang on about lifting too much as I'm still a novice but it's soo rewarding when numbers go up 🙌.

Oh, and of course I can't forget to mention my fave thing foooood, I've eaten out waaay too much lately. I can't help it as I absolutely love spending time with my pals and especially when it's over a good meal. In the last couple of weeks I've been out for Thai multiple times, pizza, tapas, chinese, steak, and a good burger to mention a few. Shit. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not lean then I remember ha ha. 

Always remember that work life balance. Read a good paper? Have a glass of wine. Wrote a few hundred words? Grab some sushi. Delivered a seminar? Treat yo self to a long gym session. Whatever works.

The most important thing I've learnt about the way I work is that I need to manage my time very carefully and also to plan it! Every Sunday I spend a little time thinking about commitments I have scheduled during the week, the main research goals I want to achieve and how I'm going to compliment that with down time. Then, each evening I have a flick through my diary check whats going on the next day. This is so important to me as I'm able to mentally prepare myself for what's coming up, my diary is easily my best friend atm (love all u other besties too). Of course not every hour of my day is scheduled, although sometimes it feels like that. One thing I observed whilst working and I've noticed it here to, is the scheduling of "desk time", this is great for saying okay I'm going to be at my desk for a solid amount of time, this is great when you're an extremely busy person and need to reserve your time. Whilst I'm not that in demand it's still a good concept, I can mentally say to myself okay I'll spend two hours at my desk followed by a 20-30 minute break. I try my best at the start of each session to spend a little time thinking about what it is I exactly want to do and boy does it help. No point mindlessly opening google scholar if you don't know what you want to discover!

Lists. Lists are also the other key enable to me getting all ma stuff done. Whether it's a list for personal life stuff, such as "register to vote", "book haircut" or more specific academic stuff, lists are so useful for putting into perspective things that need to be achieved immediately as opposed to actions that are a little far into the future.


Hope one of you lovely lot found that enjoyable to read 😊 xx

Enjoy a cheeky pic of me and some friends I met the other weekend.

Happiness, qu'est-ce c'est?

Happiness is a journey not a destination, happiness is a way of life, happiness is a mindset. We've all heard a least one of these sayings before but what actually is happiness? Scientifically, happiness can be defined as the release of "happiness hormones" such as endorphins, dopamine and serotonin but I'm not gonna focus on that, instead I want to reflect on what makes me happy and why it's important to recognise when you're not happy.

Right now, I'd say on a scale of 1-10 (1-miserable, 10-completely happy), this of course is a subjective scale, as I'd call myself a realist and I find it harder to reach the extreme ends of a scale. However, this kinda thing helps me put things in perspective as it makes me question my judgement, by doing this I'm forced to consider different aspects of my life and look at how they're working out, or not. Perspective is a great thing and really helps ground me, it helps me identify areas of my life I reckon I could improve.

Background info. I've experienced times in my life when I was definitively not happy however I didn't really accept it, you know when your life starts to spiral a little bit, it can be days, weeks, however long until the realisation hits you. I'm sparing you the details as I'm not here asking for pity just offloading I guess. That was five years ago. Today I've learnt to listen to my feelings (may sound a little bit wet but I assure you, you can leave this page at any time) and I can't tell how much better I feel for it. Over the last couple of years when I've felt seriously unhappy I've stopped, taken some time for myself and critically assessed my life. I've made changes, mainly lifestyle changes, I decided to look after my body, I acknowledged I was consuming far too many Kronenburgs, (disclaimer I'm not saying ceasing to drink beer will make you instantly happy, nor that you can't be happy and have a pint) and perhaps not giving my body the exercise and shit it needed. Fast forward to now - I still drink (probably still more than recommended - ooooops) and I regularly exercise.

Whilst your physical health can have a significant impact on your happiness, it's super important to recognise that your mental health also plays an important role. During my third year of uni I was unhappy and it took me a long time to deal with it, but I did and I sought out support to do so. I'm a talker but when it comes to talking about real deep shit it's hard but it helped. Whether your support network consists of your family, you friends or someone unknown it's important to know there are people out there who will listen. Sometimes just talking about your thoughts and feelings helps to understand and rationalise them, I know when I bottle things up in my head I'm in serious danger of overthinking and over complicating things.

Sometimes a change of environment is needed, no one should live their daily life doing something that makes them question their happiness. This is why I think it's important to consider aspects of your life that you can change and how you would change them if you could. For me, this meant recognising I wasn't satisfied and accepting that I really wanted a change of environment - mainly I wanted to be in academia. Whilst we can't love everything we do I really believe we shouldn't subject ourselves to doing something that negatively affects our state of mind.

I think what I'm trying to say with this post is that it's okay to take a minute or several to reflect and it's even more okay to do something about it.

Happy picture time.

Beacon Hill

Sorry if this is totally too much info, but sometimes I like offloading.

Ursula x

Undergraduate to PhD - what's new?

Hey pals,

Welcome to the next installment of "my PhD journey"!

As you can imagine I've had a range of responses from people when I tell them I'm doing a PhD - from "Wow, you must be so clever" to "You're just avoiding work aren't you?" I guess I wanted to address these, by saying that no I don't think I'm super clever, but I do enjoy research and the academic environment. Read on for some more of my thoughts and reflections on my PhD journey so far.

Lots of people will argue that a PhD is just an excuse to stay in academia and hold off entering the real world. Well let me say it now, they're not entirely wrong but there's so much more to it than that! As an undergraduate you are experiencing the beginning of what's possible within academia. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I love studying. Being able to read and immerse myself in knowledge is just rather rewarding. I've always been an advocate for reading, I still have a shelf full of Jacqueline Wilson books next to my bed (along side some more gripping stuff like the Belgariad series). So imagine having a whole academic library at your finger tips! One day you could be reading about modelling carbon footprints in supply chains and the same afternoon you could have a cheeky read up on the effect of cortisol in the body.

As an undergraduate student, most people are starting to deepen their knowledge of a particular field, I appreciate for some students a degree is the means to a particular career however you're still investing in your knowledge of that area. So why continue studying with a PhD? For many people an undergraduate degree and the university experience is enough to set them up and instill a desire to begin their career outside of academia, but for some - like me, it's enough to say "I want to contribute to this body of knowledge, I want to be an expert in a field so I can pass that expertise on to those studying in the future".

So I guess what I'm saying is that whilst a PhD is an extension of postgraduate taught and undergraduate study it's got some major differences. Firstly, there is no such thing as a syllabus, this can be both a blessing and a curse, on one hand you have the freedom to study whatever you wish but on the other hand you can lose so much time to reading irrelevant papers! It's a mentally resource intensive journey, I've only been at it for three weeks but from my experience and from observing those around me I can say it takes commitment and drive. For the first few weeks I'm trying to establish good practices now so that when I'm slightly further in my journey I don't have to force myself out of bad habits (if you're interested in reading about such habits check out my earlier post - Old habits die hard).

Besides being less guided study what's different about a PhD from undergraduate study? Well for one, the opportunities to work collaboratively with researchers from other disciplines. This isn't something I have personally done however I have witnessed multiple exchanges where researchers have discovered someone else in a different discipline looking at similar areas of research. Totally furthering my love for knowledge sharing, it's great to see how people are open to communicating and sharing their ideas! One of the other pluses is the ability to check out what else is happening as in other departments, I reckon this is true for most universities but I'm not sure how many undergrads would take advantage of this - as a member of the university you can attend any lecture you wish. I've toyed with the idea of attending lectures probably not directly related to my field of research but are in areas I find myself interested in. Obviously my research comes first but I read some advice somewhere (don't worry if this was a legit paper I'd reference this 😏) that mentioned how it was important to read and study things other than that directly related to your research.

Sorry if this post has been super boring and less emotionally intensive than you were anticipating! I do hope this isn't the case and I hope someone out there is enjoying this and getting some insight into PhD life!

Ursula x

My biggest fear (and it's not spiders)

Hey chaps,

It's blog time! Get excited as this one's got a bit of grit to it, I'd like to talk about something that I'm sure there's a few of you out there can relate to. The fear of rejection. This is a fear I experience in every aspect of my life, from my career/academic life to my personal life, behind almost everything I do is the fear of rejection. So I'd just like to put it out there and address how I deal with it and maybe someone out there will relate.

I'm only 23 years old young but nonetheless I've experienced rejection in my career. From a young age I seemed to do pretty well for myself, I was successful in part time job applications, my university application, and my social life. Fast forward to my first proper job interview. I interviewed with British Airways, I'd passed the preliminary tests and made it all the way to Heathrow, my gosh it was daunting. Don't get me wrong I loved it, it was enjoyably corporate yet mildly intimidating. I think I knew when I walked out the room that I didn't get it, so of course I held back my tears for a long as possible. Then the tears came. I guess that's my first tip for dealing with rejection, let those tears out baby! Coming from a cry baby I guess that's easy for me to say but in all seriousness, crying is a great stress reliever and once the tears are dry you can start to think objectively about moving onward and upwards.

I've experienced rejection from scholarships and rejections from a PhD application, all of which can be incredibly demoralising! When you put hard work into something and it's not perceived as 'enough' that just doesn't feel great. One thing I've really worked hard at is rationalising things, for example, take an unsuccessful job application, there will be a reason you weren't selected for the post. I know upon reflection that in some instances I haven't possessed the crucial skills for a post when initially I thought I might. Dealing with rejection in this kind of way can really provide self-insights and provide opportunities for you to better yourself. Because let's face the world doesn't end if you don't get x job. Another will come along, and you never know it'll probably be even more your cuppa t!

So, from a different angle I'd like to talk about rejection in my personal life. One of the saddest things in life is losing a friend. I've lost one or two friends over the years, some have just drifted away and others have been slightly more drastic. It's very hard not to take it personally, it's like someone's saying "actually I don't like you and I don't want you in my life". Here, time is the best remedy, you'll be able to accept their decision and perhaps think okay I can understand that maybe we weren't ever going to be long lasting friends. Or if not, you'll find yourself thinking about it less and less.

Also, put your hand up if you've ever been rejected by a romantic interest. *both hands up*. That is a fact of life and I can accept that but especially since the rise of dating apps rejection is so blinking common. One of my biggest insecurities is that I'm always thinking "well, if they're not paying me attention they surely must be paying someone else attention", yes I know that's rather silly but hey I'm human! In these instances it's so important to remember that there are way bigger issues in the world and you aren't going to bloody die if someone doesn't text you back. Bring in the distraction activities, I love a distraction activity, something that gets you away from the life sucking social media (soz for being a hypocrite but sometimes it's good to have some time out), whether it's a gym sesh, wiring a blog post, reading a book or watching mindless tv shows - it all helps.

One thing to remember throughout your life is to celebrate the small wins, without the rejection those wins would not be half as rewarding as they are. Celebrate finding and reading an awesome academic paper (you know it could be the key to the research gap you've been looking for), celebrate doing well in an assignment, celebrate being healthy, having fabulous friends, hitting a PB (personal best) in the gym! In this short life we have so much that is worth celebrating.

I leave you with a picture representing one of my fave achievements at the moment. It's kinda nice being able to say I'm part one of the top ten institutions in the UK (*insert reference*).

As a parting thought, it occurs to me to question whether I'd really strive to be the best I truly can be if I had no fear of rejection?

So that's it, thanks for reading and remember you are fab and you can achieve so much.
Ursula x

Week one, day one.

Hey!

Believe it or not but I survived my first *official* day as a PhD student. I say *official* as over the past two weeks I've been involved in events and coming onto campus a fair bit considering I was meant to be 'taking it easy before I start'. This post is for all you chaps who want to keep up to date with my activities, for those of you who are just curious as to what a PhD student really gets up to and for the rest of you who are a little nosey (I'd probably be the latter if this wasn't my blog).

So let's get to it.

My day started at 7:15, I could probably get up at midday and no one would notice but as I may have said before (or not), I love routine and I'm going to try and stick to a solid routine from the beginning. My first task of the day was to drop by the SBE (school of business and economics) finance office with my passport so they could check I have the right to work in the UK, super simple and easy to ease myself in. Then I made my way to the student enquiries desk, typically when I went to pick up my ID card I didn't take my passport *eye roll* so I needed to swing by and show them as well. I made my way over trying to remember which building this was in and casually strolled in to Hazlerigg when in fact I wanted Rutland, both of which are stunning buildings so can you blame for getting them mixed up? Looking at the queue which was spilling out of the front entrance I thought "sodd this, I can come back when these kids are in lectures" quite funny 'cause I'm definitely still a kid but I just don't have lectures.

Having done attempted to complete a few admin tasks I made my way over to the PhD office I'll be based in - this is basically a big computer room with an unofficial hot-desking policy, so unofficial in fact that all the good desks had been claimed and the desk I was left with was not perfect, I fancied a desk tucked away in a corner preferable near a window but to no avail, I'm stuck in the middle of the room near the door. Beggers can't be choosers though, some of my fellow PhD students have been here 2 years and 8 months and I've been here a day... So I settled in, first thing I did was to write my to-do list. Who doesn't love a list? Like seriously, there's something so satisfying about being able to put a little tick and give yourself a YAY for completing a task. Although, it's probably important the list is realistic, mine was 15 items long. Perhaps a little long but I thought I can carry this over the next few days. I checked my diary to see what I had planned (nothing) and got stuck in. I enrolled onto some events that'll be useful to my development, mainly "what is a literature review?" and "Literature review: best practices" I also booked onto the doctoral college induction, which isn't until November, kinda a little late on but as PhD students start whenever I guess it makes sense, I'm just lucky I started at the start of the academic year. I emailed someone about attending some modules that might be beneficial to my learning, this excites me as I'll get to sit in a lecture environment and take notes, think of the stationary dreamsssss.

I carried this on for a bit, then headed back over to the student enquiries desk, even though there was still a queue I wasn't gonna turn around for a second time. Boring stuff done, I went back to my desk and completed the first part of a teaching module that'll be doing, cause ya know I get to take a few seminars already (I'm still struggling to imagine myself at the front of a class rather than perched on the first row 😆). I was at my desk for an hour or so and I felt my fitbit telling me to move, so I thought perfect opportunity I need to go to the library and IT services so I trekked over there. And yes it really is a trek but I refuse to catch the free shuttle, my legs are fine!

Fast forward a few hours, I've read a few articles, made a few notes, sent a few emails and I'm ready to meet my supervisors. We discussed how I'm going to really get started, in terms of journals to read, papers to search for etc. Not going to lie, I was super excited and I still am! I came away with a new to do list ready for the next day and so here we are. I'm doing #1 which may not be official business but in a way it is, because I'm keeping track of my daily activities and that's a plus for me.

Stay tuned to hear my review of my first complete week, Loughborough's top for so much lets see if they can hit top marks in "Ursula's PhD review: week one".

Peace x
P.S. sorry no piccy this week, and sorry for the excessively long post.

Pre PhD Preparation

Firstly I guess I should say I can't take full credit for the idea behind this blog post, I spent the weekend (and what a lovely one it was) with my family celebrating a birthday and my mum mentioned how it might be a good idea to write a few posts throughout my journey just so people who find themselves in this position have something or someone to relate to.

So I plan to write a bit more regularly about my experiences, my expectations and a few of the life lessons I'll pick up as I embark on my PhD. As I haven't actually started yet for this post I'm just going to go through some of the things I've been doing to set myself up with the best start possible!

#1 Get to know your place of research!
This is perhaps a little bit easier for me than it would be for others as I'm local to the town I'll be researching in and I've already completed a year of study at my institution. However it's still super important to get familiar with everything, I've already been back on to campus just to have a wander, and to see where I'll be spending the next three years of my life. I was lucky enough to be introduced to a fellow student researcher who was extremely helpful and gave me a guided tour of the areas I may not have ventured into as a MSc student.

#2 Show yourself as willing to your supervisor(s)
I have a pre-existing relationship with my primary supervisor, but I felt it was still vital to introduce myself to both my primary and secondary supervisor as their newest researcher. We met as a welcome for myself but also as an ice breaker before I start. From then I've attended a meeting with my supervisor, his current research group, and a research group from a different school within the university. I have another conference to attend lined up, and another meeting with my supervisor. I'm really trying to  get stuck in and show that I'm taking this seriously even before I've started. Hopefully my supervisors will see this and recognise how hardworking I'll be!

#3 Familiarise yourself with the necessary IT!
I made a slight boob in that I registered my email account using the wrong platform and then wondered why I didn't have a single email that wasn't a welcome email from gmail... Since setting up my email using the correct platform I've been able to catch up on all the missed emails but I'd definitely recommend checking this as early as possible you never know what could happen. If you're coming from a different institution it can be quite a strange thing getting used to a new VLE type thing (what do you call them?) for example I made the leap from Reading's Blackboard to Loughborough's Learn. I'd definitely recommend browsing through as much as possible to get yourself up to speed, you can access everything from Learn which is fab.

#4  Relax!
Whilst it's great to be proactive and get set up for the next chapter I'd like to think it's really important to take some time for yourself, to be healthy and happy. Whether you've just finished studying or just finished working (like me) you may find yourself slightly tired and in need of rest, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that! You're about to embark and what has been described to me as "a relationship with a menopausal individual" slightly scary but I don't doubt that! So it couldn't be any more important to ensure you're in the right head space to give it your all.

#5 Make sure you've got plenty of provisions
By provisions I mean anything from snacks to stationary. I am a stationary junkie, like quite a lot of academics I guess? Another top tip I've been told is to have a book that is purely dedicated to ideas and to even keep this notebook by your bed because ideas come to you not when you're slumped at your desk but at 2am when you're fast asleep. Make sure you've got an outlet for stress whether it's a gym membership, running shoes, art, knitting just have something so you won't go too crazy.

Here's a little peek at some of my fave stationary and some welsh cakes (I did say you needed snacks).

And with that, concludes my mini list of five things I'm doing to prepare myself for October!

Thanks for reading and I hope someone found it interesting!!
Ursula x

Old habits die hard

Hey guys!

I've been back in Lough for a week and I've enjoyed my free time a lot, it's been so good to take some time to chill and get myself in a healthy head space ready to start my next chapter (which I am so excited for!). I have felt though that it could be so easy to slip into old habits, both good and bad! I suppose the purpose of this blog post is just to make myself a little more accountable, to ensure I get off to the best start I can have by embracing the good habits and dropping the bad! So please, go ahead and read but don't judge me!

Starting with the good, I've been exercising regularly which we all know is beneficial in many ways, not only do I feel like I'm in fairly decent shape but I'm also healthy #winning. I've yet to actually join a gym as I've been trying to convince myself to try out a new gym but then on the other hand, I'm familiar with the current gym I'm using which has it's positives and negatives. I've got plenty of time to try though and when I muster up the courage to venture into a new gym I'll let you know. Isn't that weird? I'm so comfortable in the weights section of my usual gyms but take me to somewhere knew and I'll cower away as though I've never held a dumbbell - weird right?

Okay so the not so good, a few people have told me I drink too much, parents included. I've always laughed it off but thinking about it I'm always so up for a drink which I guess isn't a bad thing if you know your limits - which I clearly don't oops. So I'm vouching to myself I'll have a little more self control and consume a little less!

Another thing I've been labelled as is a shopaholic, I won't deny it, in the past I've had such an unhealthy relationship with shopping. I used to spend  waste so much money on clothes, I don't want to count the number of items I've bought and never worn... From shoes to shirts and dresses I always found new clothes made me feel happier and better about myself which is so stupid 'cause people won't notice if you've worn a top more than once 😆 (which I was so scared people would and judge me for it!). Today has been one of those days where I've really felt like I needed a pick-me-up and I've fought the temptation to do a spot of online shopping  alllll day. And I won wooo! Good thing too because I have zero storage space atm (try moving home again uuurgh) and I'm low on funds. YAY. But I'm alive, I'm well, my bank balance will thank me and I won't have to deal with shoving more things under my bed.

I've accepted I'll never be a fab blogger because I'm so inconsistent but I like to spill my thoughts onto a page every now and again, and hopefully I'm not offending anyone in doing so!

So, here's to the next few years, and to accepting the good habits all have and working on losing the bad ones.
Ursula x

Aaaaand breathe

So it's been just under 10 months since I last wrote a blog, that's kind of shocking isn't it? And whilst I wish I could say that it's been the best 10 months of my life and I've really found myself I'm afraid I can't. This isn't a blog of complete doom and gloom though! I just wanted to share what I've learnt and most importantly how I'm coming to terms with the fact that I am young, I am lost and I have plenty to be thankful for. 

Well then, what have I done? Well, I graduated (again) from Loughborough, I've been on a few short trips and I'm nearing the end of my internship. Most significantly I've not got a freaking clue as to what I want to do next. The notion that society should place less pressure on young graduates to find the job of their career and how my generation and others are more likely to have several jobs throughout our career is one that resonates with me. However, this is said by those who have successful careers! I find myself forever asking what I want from my life, do I want to be rich? Do I want to be successful? Wouldn't it be nice to have some kind of idea as to what I want to do with my life?

I know I am in a position many would argue is an incredible one to be in and I am not taking my position for granted. I have worked hard to get where I am, although I am ridiculously self critical and have never truly felt I deserved anything. Right now I'm thinking MAN you are such a drama queen but hey I'm just saying what's been on my mind for a while...

One thing that strikes me as important in terms of finding myself is doing something that puts me out of my comfort zone, I'm rather aware of the fact that I haven't really done anything to push myself and perhaps that's an explanatory factor in my dissatisfaction? And I don't think pushing myself in the gym counts, although it does make me feel good because endorphin's! A few weeks ago I wrote a list of things I wanted to achieve, it ranged from run a 5k to write another blog post (oh hey😉). I'm definitely working on the former and if you're reading this then I've achieved the latter! I reaaaaaaaaally want to travel at some point in my life but I think I'm far too busy wallowing in the feeling of being lost to get organised. Hoping to wake myself up a bit with this post I think!

A few things recently have thrown me off balance, I shall spare you the details but truthfully they've dulled my spark a bit. I never thought I'd say this but I do miss retail, I miss knowing I'll get that interaction with people, although it might not be meaningful but I'm a people person you know and not going to lie I miss the discounts. I thrive off talking to people, well, pleasant people har-har. At the moment I'd rather be anywhere but where I am right now, and I suppose I should accept that because life isn't all dandy and happy all the time is it? But I am healthy and I have wonderful family and friends so it's up to me to find what makes me super happy. 

This post has been majorly therapeutic to write as it's like just letting all my emotions out and anyone that knows me knows that I am THE MOST EMOTIONAL PERSON EVER, so even if you didn't enjoy reading this I enjoyed writing this (well maybe enjoyed isn't the right word but yano) xxxx

PS Here's a photo of my ab fab purchase from Cheltenham's vintage fair! Thanks Lou Lou's 💋

Why Retail Has Taught Me So Much

Hey,

So I'm sitting preparing for my penultimate shift at my current job and it's given me a bit of time to reflect. I've worked in retail for six years and over those many years I've learnt so much and it's definitely shaped me into the pretend adult I am now (definitely not a real adult for about two weeks ;)). I've worked a steady weekend retail job since I was 16 and juggling school life, work life and a personal life.

Without this I reckon I wouldn't be half as hardworking as I am, I always did my school work to ensure I could enjoy some free time and make it to work without being super stressed. It certainly wasn't easy, working every weekend, socialising and revising was a major test of my abilities, sometimes my grades reflected this but hey look I've come out on top now. One thing I know for sure is that working taught me to be punctual, I think in six years I've been late for work about twice and this is pretty true for my social life too. You know how in a group of friends you have that one (or three in my case) who are always late? Well I'm the opposite, forever turning up on time and waiting around for the stragglers to turn up! Yes I do tell some of my friends a meeting time that's half an hour earlier than the real one...

Apart from now being super organised and super hardworking (sheesh could I blow my own trumpet any more?!), working in retail has taught me manners and the importance of how you present yourself. Sure I've been in some foul moods and whilst when I was younger I wasn't so good at hiding this at work but now I know that it's much easier to put on a smile and pretend everything's okay because believe me once you force yourself to smile everything seems that little bit brighter! Also, the way you interact with others can be so crucial to setting the tone of your day and your career, if you're pleasant and chatty to people they instantly warm to you rather than thinking you're shy or obnoxious. Having grown up a bit I now feel a lot more confident in striking up a conversation with someone at the till point, after all we're all human and a friendly chat can be the highlight of someone's day.

One thing I'd love to say retail has taught me is the value of money but alas I'm still learning this one. Ask anyone who knows me, I have a reaaaaaaally bad spending addiction. Sure, when I was in school I got paid weekly and it was nice having that extra bit of cash but once I got a taste for shopping there was no going back. Working and saving (haha trying to save) has meant that I've been able to go on some great holidays and trips and I'm super grateful for that. However, for the first year at uni I was without a term time job and boy did I feel it!! Not entirely sure how I managed to get through that (thanks parents!!!). I was still spending as if I had a job and yes things got a bit tight, so back to work it was.

I've had a range of jobs, working for a couple of major high street retailers and a little cafe and I've loved everyone of them. I've worked in some great teams, met some fabulous friends for life and learnt the importance of hard-work. Whilst I'll be super sad to say bye to retail for a 9-5 office job (eek) I'm sure when I'm old and grey I'll end up volunteering in a charity shop or something similar!

A little secret all retail workers know is that it's not "the customer's always right" it's "let the customer believe they're right even though you know how wrong they are". Boy I've dealt with some difficult customers and my tactic is to be polite and deal with the problem in a manner that's professional and shows the customer you're there to help them. In some instances this isn't the easiest but I always think if you're being helpful and polite and they don't appreciate the help, who's worse off?

Anywayyyy, I'd better finish getting ready! I'll miss the short shifts and easy hours for sure but it will be so rewarding doing a job that's going to further my career!
Peace
Ursula

Ps. Shout out to all my bosses and colleagues, past and present, thanks for everything :)

Update :D

Hi all!

So I'm nearing the end of my year as a postgrad - eek. With just under two months to go it's safe to say I'm bricking it to enter the real world. Yeah I'm gonna have a full time 9-5 job!!!! As much as I'm excited to have some independence back I'm going to miss being at home so much, where the house is always clean and there's food in the fridge.

Moving away can be scary and daunting, granted I did it a few years ago when I went off to Uni but this feels different somehow. I'm not going to be surrounded by like-minded people of my age. I'm entering a work-place where I'm going to have to make my own opportunities! I want to set myself some goals for when I move to ensure I make the most of it.

1) Make some friends - this might sound daft but this year I felt I haven't had an amazing social life, I have made some fantastic friends but then again at times I've felt lonely.

2) Find a new hobby - probably another thing to combat loneliness if I'm honest, whilst I've been at home I've relied heavily on one of my closest friends and now that she won't be a 6 minute drive away I'm going to need to find something to fill my time!

3) Maintain my fitness levels - I don't know how many of you know (or care) but this past year I've worked on my fitness, I want to be strong!! I'm slowly getting there and I don't want this move to be an excuse to let it drop. I've already decided I'm going to try out every gym in the area before I commit, I can't be dealing with joining a bad gym!

4) Budget and eat sensibly - I've ALWAYS been bad with money. However, I feel myself getting a little better and I want next year to be the year I crack down on saving haha a girl can dream hey! I want to find ways to eat well without spending a fortune.


5) Make time to travel and see pals and family - this might be a bit contradictory to my previous goal as travelling is expensive! But one of the reasons I want to budget is so that I have a bit more money to go and see people, I mean if I'm going to have my weekends back for the first time in 6 years why not!

There you have it, I've written it down now so I have no excuses for not sticking by these goals! Hopefully next year will be interesting and provide many challenges and I'll continue to grow :). For now it's back to assignments. (Yes okay this kinda was procrastination lool)

:)
U x

Five Things I'd Like To Thank My Mother For

As you've probably guessed this is going to a bit of a soppy tribute to my mother! As it's Mother's Day I thought I'd say thank you for five rather non-trivial things I'm ever grateful for. Whilst I'm so lucky to have a woman who has fed, clothed, housed and supported me for 21 plus years there's so much else my mum has done for me.

#1 Thank you for encouraging me to try so many different things as a child. With the exception of sport (well I mean you tried but let's face it I was having none of it) my mum encouraged me to take part in so many activities, from flute and piano lessons, dance lessons to being a girl guide, throughout my childhood. So I might not have been the worlds best ballet dancer but I did achieve a number of things. In addition to actual achievements I learnt the importance of hard-work and dedication, I also learnt to appreciate other people's talents and my own.

#2 Thank you for supporting me in everything I do. From the obvious financial support to the emotional support you're always there to tell me I can do this, you've never prevented me from doing anything I wanted to do. From day one when I looked through University prospectuses and said "I want to go to Reading" you supported me in getting there and once I was there you supported me through the tough times and were there to celebrate with me at my graduation.

#3 Thank you for trying to educate me culturally. Yes I may have complained once or twice when we traipsed around castle after castle in the bleak Welsh weather, or frowned when you said we were off to ANOTHER art gallery in Cornwall. But truthfully, I'm so glad you did! Now you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you I enjoyed walking round new towns and discovering old history but there's a first for everything.

Here's a snap of one of our most recent outings :D

#4 Thank you for bringing me up to be the person I am today. I always remember reading the "Children learn what they live" poem as a child, it's always stuck with me. Thank you for being patient with me whilst I was a stroppy teenager, thank you for working hard at everything you do, and most of all thank you for being polite, kind, caring, and understanding. If I turn out to be half the woman you are I'll be happy!

#5 Thank you for giving birth to me. (Ew I know) If you hadn't I wouldn't be able to say thank you. Hopefully I'm going to make you proud as pie. Not only that, but thank you for my darling siblings too, growing up with them may have been testing at times but I know I'm so lucky to have all of you!

I know, you can all stop throwing up now. I guess that's another thing I have my mum to thank for, I'm such a soppy git when I want to be. Hope you all have a lovely day with your mummas!
Urs xxxxxxxxxx

Just Another Week

Hey guys,
Made it to the end of the week phew!
This week's been a hectic one for me so I thought I'd write a short and sweet little post reflecting on how far I've come recently. This week I attended my first assessment center, yes I know entering the real world, scary stuff right? No I'm not going to disclose much about it I guess you'll have to wait and see! Here's what I will say though, it was a great experience and I loved putting on my suit (those who've heard about the suit will understand my excitement regarding this!). I think I may be coming to terms with the fact that I can't remain a student forever and it's inevitable I'll have to say goodbye to my lovely life of studying. Until I do a PhD (possibly, we'll see).
Here's a cute pic of me in my suit (pose was on request of my mother)

This week I also managed to squeeze in a trip to Reading, where I was lucky enough to catch up with two of my wonderful friends who're still in Reading. Although it'd been a while since I'd seen them, like true friendship, it felt as though nothing had changed and it was so lovely to see them and catch up. Promise it won't be left that long again girls!
I cannot stress how more organised I feel in comparison to my scatty self a year ago, I think I bought a diary and maybe wrote my name in it whereas now I actually use my diary to keep myself informed of all my plans and deadlines. One of my housemates had a diary and I was so impressed with how useful it was to her and I can only say thank you because now I've gotten myself into the good habit of writing everything in there and reviewing it before I start my week so I know exactly what's happening.
In an attempt to organise my personal life I'm having a bit of a clear out, mainly of clothes. So if anyone reading this wants any garms I an abundance of clothes all in decent condition that could do with a good home! It's always hard for me to say goodbye to clothes because they're associated with so many memories but I guess what I've realised is that those memories are my memories in my head anyway so why do I need a dress to remind me of that time we went to *insert cheap restaurant* for so-and-so's birthday!
So to summarise, I've had a busy but enjoyable week and I'm on my way to becoming a real adult (still have a long way to go ahaha)!
Ta for reading as always!
U

Living Positively

Hey,
I'm never very good at starting these posts like what do I say "Hey guys it's a drizzly Monday and I'm full of a stinking cold!"? Well I guess I just did the hard bit.
This post is about positivity and how it's not just a mind set but something you can actively work towards. Most people who know me will say I'm a bubbly, happy, chatty individual but there are times when I'm the complete opposite, I'm one of the worst cry babies I know but I'm trying to cry a little less haha.

I'm no psychologist but I can't count the amount of times I've given the following advice to friends "Just try and keep smiling, the more you make yourself smile the sooner you'll find yourself smiling without realising.". Like most people, I suck at following my own advice so as of today I've adopted this outlook and every time I notice I'm not smiling I'm just going to smile to myself - yes this might result in a slight Cheshire cat resemblance but it's for a good reason!

                                  

        

In another attempt to be more positive I've started doing some "adult colouring" (it may be "adult" but not like that guys c'mon...). I mentioned that I'd read that colouring was a great way to de-stress and relax to mum so naturally she bought me a book for Christmas, it's "The Art of Mindfulness, Happy and  Energising Colouring" and it really works, much to the amusement of one of my dear pals. During exams I completed two full pages and started another two, I know I really should finish one before a start another but hey you can't always live by the rules. Sometimes I just did a bit for a break from studying and other times I did it to calm myself down the night before an exam and it was as if I could feel all my stresses flowing through the pencil onto the paper and right outta my life 🙋🏼

I've always been a fan of incense, much to my mum's displeasure, and quite often I find myself just watching the smoke whirl upwards in a spiraling fashion and it's strangely soothing and relaxing. Couple this with a relaxation playlist from Spotify and after half an hour I feel so refreshed and my outlook on life is rosy I highly recommend it! Sometimes I'll go a little crazy and listen to music, colour and have incense burning in the background - is this overkill?  Nah, when it comes to positivity I don't think there is such a thing, what I'm hoping to highlight in this post is that it's about finding the little things that make you feel positive, some of the positivity challenges on the internet are a little intense I'll give you that, realistically I'm not going to sit for twenty minutes listing five things I'm thankful for, 3 positive things I did today and two positive qualities someone else has every day. But I will do these little things like wake up and say "Today, I'm going to smile and be happy!".

Something I'm sure you'll all agree with me is that tidying has to be one of the best ways to feel better about yourself, I'm a terrible creature when it comes to my room, I'm far too materialistic for the size of my room. However I'll go through phases where I do my best to tidy my room and usually in an attempt to clear my head or just when I'm fed up of not being able to find the top I bought yesterday...

I hope after reading this blog you've embraced the positive outlook on life and if not, there's always tomorrow! 

Peace out xx

So it's February...

Hey,

Okay I know I've been absent for a while but it's like the gym, you have to give it a few goes before you're fully committed, sorry guys! 

I can't believe it's February already, well, I can considering I lived in the library, or study (formerly known as the dining room sorry mum!) over Christmas and January. Setting myself high standards meant that I pushed myself so hard and I really hope it pays off, less than two weeks and we'll find out.

Even though I've been work focused for the past couple of months I managed to set myself three realistic news years resolutions:

1) to be more responsible with money - the reason behind this one is that I'm potentially entering the real world of work this September and I can't keep throwing money away on materialistic things such as clothes and make up, oh and food. This ones been going quite well as I managed to dramatically reduce my spendings for January and hopefully I'll continue this trend.

2) stop promising to meet up with people I know I'll never actually see - this one I have to confess I stole from a post I saw on Buzzfeed. We all know what I'm talking about, you'll bump into someone you haven't seen and one of you will say something like "it's been ages we should have a coffee" well I've vowed not to agree unless I really mean it, because let's face it it's probably been so long for a reason. No offence it might just be that I'm super busy and trying to focus on other things. It's weird how easily people pop in and out of our lives just the other day someone popped up and asked me how the blog was going and to be honest that's what prompted me to write one again, I just needed a little push. 

3) take better care of myself - this is a bit of a general one whether it be getting back into the gym, which I have done, eating better or making better life decisions. This is also means having more self respect, knowing when to walk away and when to invest more of my emotions and time in someone.

These resolutions shouldn't be too hard to keep because I know they're designed with my best interests at heart. And at the moment the most important thing is to focus on me, to make sure I can be the best version of myself possible. 

Nice to be back, hope you enjoyed this one :) 

U x 

Week one as a postgraduate!

Hey guys,

So it's friday afternoon and the end of my first week as a postgraduate student at Loughborough and I think the first thing to note is that I SURVIVED! I know that sounds silly but honestly, I was terrified of starting a new course at a brand new uni, I mean making new friends is always a little daunting.

Being back in a lecture theater felt so right for me although the ratio of international to home students did shock me at first and I won't lie I did feel a little out place. By the end of the lecture the prospect of a group assignment was a little worrying, I'd gone three hours without conversing with another student how was I meant to find four other people to work with?!

Day two and three things got easier, and finally I've met some people who seem like they will not only become good friends but also intelligent allies on my course. Having completed my first week of lectures I'm excited to get deeper into my modules and weirdly nervous yet eager to tackle of all the work that's flooding my way already.

I am fully aware that the next year is going to be incredibly tough but I can't express how reassuring it is to have a routine again and to find myself being challenged again on a daily basis. It's clear, I love education, perhaps too much!

Here's to a year of hardwork with a side dish of fun
U x

Ah so I've already been a bad blogger, the past few weeks I've been either too busy or too tired to sit down and write this post! Seeing as my little brother, and many of his friends are heading off to Uni in a matter of weeks I thought I'd share my best ten tips for making the most of this life changing experience! There's no particular order to these so read away :)

#1
Be approachable - starting at uni can be one of the scariest life changes ever, everything as you know it disappears so in this moment it's important to remember that everyone is in the same boat! So put on your bravest smile and say hello to that stranger that's about to be your housemate for the next year. Doing little things like leaving your door open whilst you unpack can make a real difference so don't be shy (or try not to be...)!

#2
Budget - this is one thing I didn't exactly succeed in... I cannot stress how much easier your life will be if you don't blow your student loan in the first month, no matter how much you want those new clothes or new gadget, food is more important! I'm not saying be stingy, by all means go out and socialise just make sure you're wise with how you do it.

#3
Try something new - whether it's joining a new sports society or picking up a new hobby this one's probably a given, you should "give it a go". Literally, most societies and clubs will have try it out sessions where you can go along and see if it's for you without requiring any commitment.

#4
Do not forget your home friends - these people stuck with you through your school life and shared so many good times. Some of them will be going through exactly the same things as you, new uni, new life so undoubtedly they'll crave a familiar face or voice. Besides who wants to get home at Christmas time and have no friends...

#5
Take first year seriously - for most you, you'll hear "first year doesn't count" and yes although it won't count towards your degree classification it's stilll essential! Use it as a building ground for all those good habits you need throughout your degree, such as completing assignments asap rather than the night before, figuring out which lecturers to ask for help and familiarising yourself with your floor in the library! On the social side, make friends, find people with common interests it's so important to have a support network. Remember "a problem shared is a problem halved".

#6
Familiarise yourself with your campus and surrounding town - go for a self guided tour! Take an afternoon to discover the hidden gems at your uni, it took me until third year to discover my uni actually had this lovely private garden perfect for summer picnics! It'll make that rush to your 9am lectures just that little bit less horrendous if you know where you're going. Get to know your lecturers and your school office too, they're there to help you so get on their good side when you can.

#7
Be careful - Just remember you've most likely moved to an unfamiliar city, living with strangers. Don't take your personal safety as a joke, make sure someone always knows where you are, don't let strangers into your halls and if you feel unsafe remember there is a network of people there to make sure young people stay safe. Also, on a cynical note you ultimately have responsibility for your own safety whilst your new friends might seem nice enough it's probably best you keep your wits about you.

#8
Tell your mum your family you love them and let them know you're okay. This is one I got completely wrong, first term I got a bit lost at uni and didn't contact my parents for far too long. Unless you count being tagged in facebook photos...

#9
Sharing is (sometimes) caring - this is a phrase my first year housemates and I adopted. I'm not saying go and steal everyone's milk cause that's not cool however, if you get on with people they're much more likely to lend you a slice of bread. Do your weekly online shops together, take it in turns to sign up with everyone's different email addresses you'll get money off each time and if you've each got more than one email then you're winning!

#10
Have fun! Seriously, I know you're there to study and achieve but don't forget to let your hair down every now and again you wont be able to get through years of studying without going a little Brittney or Miley depending on who you prefer haha.

I know a lot of my tips are probably common sense and things you've heard before but hey if you take one tip from this then I'm happy!
Ty
Urs
x

Home is where the heart is, or so they say

Okay so here goes my first real post, be kind.
Anyone who remotely knows me will know that I'm an over-emotional cry baby, this fact coupled with some of the biggest life changes I've experienced have left me a little raw and since I'm now a believer in the "talking helps" attitude I thought I'd share my struggle!
As my undergrad days were drawing to a close I was most certainly petrified of leaving my pals but weirdly enough I wasn't phased by the fact that I'd be leaving the place I'd just spent three of the most important years of my life. It didn't hit me until after graduation, that was it, I had almost no ties to the place I'd avoided calling home for three years. Since then I've taken a couple of trips back and the feeling of "I'm home" incorrectly washed over me as I drove the familiar roads, ate in familiar restaurants and drank in the usual uni bars.
At the moment I'm living at home with my parents, whilst as great as it is to be back something is preventing me from settling. See my issue is that I still haven't fully come to terms with the fact that I'm not going back to uni (how long does it take to accept?!), but also I have high expectations of myself and my future in a years time I'm aiming to be on a graduate scheme based in London and I think the knowledge that I'm only home for a year is holding me back from calling home "home". It's a shame because my family are fab and some of my closest pals are here but I can't fight the overwhelming feeling that I don't belong here.
I really hope I haven't been too depressing, my next blog will be about how much I love nail varnish or something but I just needed to share this!
U x

Hello!
So I'm 21, I'm a graduate and I guess that makes me an adult! Recently I've been struggling to come to terms with the last fact, as I'm sure many of my fellow graduates are although I am cheating a bit as I'm due to start a Masters degree at Loughborough University...
Since graduating I've felt rather lost, moving back home and practically relinquishing my independence has been quite a struggle. Leading to why I'm starting this blog, not that I want to become "blog famous" but I'd like an outlet to express myself and to keep me sane!
Unlike so many of my lovely organised friends I have not been able to get myself traveled this summer and I'm kicking myself for it. It goes without saying that I'm in love with our rescue cat but recently I've found myself falling in love with the gym and how it helps me to increase my strength. I gave the gym a go about a year ago and although I enjoyed it I unfortunately didn't manage to keep it up so this is really my second shot and so far so good! I not aiming for crazy results I'd just like to tone up and build some upper body strength as I'm a complete weakling and always have been.
What else do I do apart from the gym? Currently I'm working in two different retail jobs both of which fuel my clothes addiction, more on that to come.
Here's what you can expect from me, lighthearted updates about my life, my new clothes, and other (interesting) tidbits!
Love
U x